5 Apps to Make You a Lazier Sloth

It seems like the collective goal of the human race is to become to laziest creature on the face of the Earth. And quite frankly, I have no problem with that. I’m completely okay with the idea of having technology take care of everything for me. So in order to help you take a step in the right direction, let me show you 5 apps that will make you ridiculously lazy.

1. Postmates

I can’t promise you that this is offered in your city or town, but if it is, you might want to try taking advantage of it. This app will call on a delivery service that will pick up anything you want. Want a cup of coffee? You got it. Need that extremely important burrito? They’re on it. Oh my goodness, you need new batteries for your remote control for your TV? Lazy your way out of the situation with Postmates.

2. Blower

Sometimes, blowing can be such a chore. It requires so much force from your lungs that sometimes you’re not willing to give. But, don’t worry. There’s an app for that. Blower utilizes your phone’s speakers to create a frequency that creates air movement. If you were too lazy to read that last sentence, this app basically blows air for you. So at your next birthday party, show your family how fancy you are. Use this app to show the world that you’re too good for your birthday candles.

3. Uber

Get a fancy ride at your door whenever you need it. Uber can call a limousine to your doorstep with the touch of a button. So if you want to go to your local grocery store in style or you need a ride to pick up your kid from school, you can rely on Uber! Laziness has never looked so slick.

4. Pizza Hut and Domino’s

Both of these pizza companies have come out with apps for you to order your pizza. They made our lives easier by letting us order from our computers, but now, you don’t even have to get off the couch. Just whip out your phone and work your finger magic to get that pizza to your doorstep. Once it’s there, just tell one of your kids to open the door. What? You don’t have a kid? Don’t worry…

5. TaskRabbit

Call on a stranger to take care of some sort of laborious task. For instance, if you’ve ordered pizza, but need someone to pick it up for you, use TaskRabbit to find that special someone. Need someone to do your dishes? TaskRabbit. Car needs washin’? TaskRabbit. Grocery store too far? TaskRabbit. The possibilities are sort of endless. I don’t know what the possibilities are, actually. Look them up yourself.


Michael is a lazy writer for Smith Monitoring a home alarm monitoring company. He didn’t even write this article himself. He just used one of those apps up there to get someone to write it for him. What a lazy scumbag.